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Sunday, May 15th, 2011
10:52 am

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Monday, February 7th, 2011
7:55 pm
Both of my head shrinkers at the VA, my family, my friends...haha well i only have 3 real friends..and yes one of them is my ex wife....yes it does happen from time to time that divorcees can remain friends...shit since we split up we get along even better..im a friend, no longer a dissapointment, oh and i dont do drugs,hard drugs..lol...im lucky shes still around and honored to call her my friend.

i digress.....

Everyone is always on my ass to talk about the war....Belive me I hear you fuck that seems to be all i hear.....

they say "the more you talk about it, the better it gets"...you know i tried that once...in my living room with my then wife Beth, aka "Farkt" and the ever so pleasent Jessica Golden aka "i ruined all my visible body space with Fangoria
The 3 of us were sitting on the floor in my living room..i had been home from the sandbox like 6 weeks...and there is a very unpleasent 2 hours that happened in Iraq that ive shrunk down to a bout 30 sec in my mind....it was a shooting, at a vehicle check point needless to say i fired about 60 240G medium mounted machine gun rounds, for those of you who still call a firearm a gun oh, and "rounds" reffer to bullets..lol needless to say i iced an entire fucking family....i had no choice...they pulled out of the stopped line of traffic and floored it directly at me full speed.."GUNNY!! fuck the ROEs???"...to which he replied "LIGHT THEM THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!",,,so i did....the story gets alot worse...trust me

but i was sitting there with 2 non military minds....and i just starting vomit out details,telling this horrific gorry story...as if i was in the Barracks shooting the shit with fellow Marines it didnt go over to well whe n i stopped speaking they had looks of stunned disbelief.....sorry Beth :)

So that the deal...all my stories are horrible and violent....civilians dont want to hear that shit...when i tell the houmorus story of how a SSGT. friend of mine from 3/4, in the same city i was in....passed on to the story of how one of his 19 yo Lance Corporals had his arm blown off from the eelbow down....and the War Pig was walking around, high on morphine, and he said,"hey, could someone give me a hand" motioning to his bloody nub...hahahah that shit is funny...

War does that to you....its called 'gallows humor" i woke up every morning and just accepted the fact that i was going to die today...once i gave up on living, it made working in that enviorment possible..."devil may care"...it happened so fast....Simmons was telling me a jpoke when i sniper round ripped through his neck covering me with hios pink mist....that fast..

So now im supposed to be able to share thos thoughts.....NO WAY...because people support the troops and all....but they DO NOT want to hear the details of war...

So i spare everyone....Ill shoulder my own burden...i keep all those horrific thoughts packed inside a box...and that box is in the far end of my brain...
blah blah "thats not healthy"blah blah "you need to heal" fuck all of that its so easy to give advice...but i feel safe SAFE like this....

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Wednesday, January 19th, 2011
8:25 am - Nederlandse update tijd.....lol
Beginnen met I dont weet waar te beginnen...dingen zijn erg gek laatste tijd..

Ik ben zo veel gewicht als 30 lbs..nog steeds geen geluk met vrouwen, Im zeker dat het zal gebeuren als ik het minst verwacht...Ik heb genomen om een afwachtende houding aan type. Im zeker niet te springen op het eerste ding dat komt door...lol

Ive single voor te lang om net pak op elk oud ding....

I hope that makes sense....I did not use google translate, its cool...but they jumble up the sentences.....wierd

Have a great day everyone.....

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Sunday, December 26th, 2010
12:43 pm - Im updating in Dutch...i need the practice...lol
God zij dank kerst voorbij is....Bryce kreeg veel nieuwe aanwezig, De Kerstman was erg goed voor hem.

Dit was het 4e jaar dat Ive enkele...Im moe van te!!!

So that was my dutch update...if you really want to know what i said youll have to translate...lol

bye for now..or tot zeins!!

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Friday, December 24th, 2010
12:33 pm - Vrolijk Kerstfeest!!!!
Merry Christmas evryone....

This will be my 4th Christmas Ive spent single...and it sucks....but at least I have family and friends so its not a total loss...yet my family has to be taken in small doses...

Ik geniet van single zijn....Ik denk dat een meisje zou net de zaken.... compliceren.......

Oh well...


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Thursday, December 16th, 2010
1:09 pm - HA i finally remembered my password.,.
FINALLY....Ive trying to guess my password for LJ for like the last year or so....

I have so much to say.

I have somewhere to be so ill make this quick..
Bryce is 10 now...
Ive been seeing this great girl lately, its been like 4 years since ive felt this way about anyone...then I find out yesterday shes moving to Indiana...
I gauged my ears to 3/4 of an inch..
Im buying a house next year with my VA home loan..
Im getting my sleeve on my laeft arm finished after the first of the year..
and I having some lasered off of my left forearm...about 3 treatments then a cover up from a real tattoo artist..
Ive been using Rosetta Stone and Byki Langauge software to learn Dutch.. Ik krijg veel veel beter...lol

Ill update more later...

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Thursday, September 18th, 2008
7:23 pm - This is seriously fucked up....
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. - The mother of a Marine who witnesses say covered a grenade with his body to save comrades in Iraq plans to appeal to Congress to award her son the nation's highest military honor after learning it was denied by Defense Secretary Robert Gates because of questions about his final act.

Rosa Peralta said Thursday she made the decision after a Marine general told her that her son, Sgt. Rafael Peralta, would be awarded the Navy Cross rather than the Medal of Honor because the nomination was tainted by reports he was accidentally shot by a fellow Marine shortly before an insurgent lobbed the grenade.

"I'm going to see what can be done, because I'm not satisfied with what they want to do now," she said in Spanish.

President Bush singled out the Marine's actions in a 2005 Memorial Day speech, saying Peralta "understood that America faces dangerous enemies, and he knew the sacrifices required to defeat them."

"The president spoke of him. So how is this now possible that they do this," Rosa Peralta said.

She said she was considering rejecting the Navy Cross, the second-highest award for valor in combat that can be awarded to a Marine. Peralta will be the 24th recipient of the Navy Cross for actions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"I still don't know what I'm going to do," she said.

The question about whether to award Peralta the Medal of Honor centers on whether the mortally wounded Marine, who was shot in the head and upper body, could have intentionally reached for the grenade and covered it with his body.

"There was conflicting evidence in the case of Sgt. Peralta as to whether he could have performed his final acts given the nature of his injuries," said Capt. Beci Brenton, spokeswoman for Navy Secretary Donald Winter.

The initial recommendation that he receive the Medal of Honor went through reviews by the Marine Corps, U.S. Central Command, the Department of the Navy and ultimately up to Defense Secretary Gates, Brenton said.

After all the evidence was scrutinized, officials determined that it "did not meet the exact standard necessary to support the Medal of Honor," she said.

But Rosa Peralta said she was led to believe her son would get the Medal of Honor in a November 2007 telephone call from an undersecretary of the Navy, who she says told her the nomination was to be forwarded to the White House.

Defense Department spokesman Bryan Whitman said there was a June 2007 Navy recommendation for the Medal of Honor, but it never went to the White House because Gates didn't approve it.

He said that because there was some contradictory evidence, Gates instead took the extra step of asking five other individuals to review the case — a former commander of U.S. forces in Iraq, a Medal of Honor recipient, a civilian neurosurgeon who is retired from the military and two forensic pathologists who also are military retirees.

The five were given medical reports that had not been available in the initial review. They thoroughly reviewed the case again, including inspecting the evidence and re-enacting the event, Whitman said.

"Each independently recommended to the secretary that the evidence did not support the award of Medal of Honor," he said.

Gates made his decision this month.

A Medal of Honor nomination is typically made by the military, approved by the Department of Defense and conferred by the president. But a nomination can also be made through a special act of Congress and then bestowed by the president on behalf of Congress.

The Medal of Honor comes with about $1,000 a month special pension in addition to other military pensions.

Peralta was shot several times in the face and body during a house-to-house search in Fallujah on Nov. 15, 2004, during some of the fiercest fighting of the war.

According to witness accounts, Peralta lay mortally wounded on the floor of a house and grabbed a grenade lobbed by fleeing insurgents. His body absorbed the blast and he died immediately.

In a rare move, the Marine Corps Thursday released a redacted copy of the Medal of Honor nomination by Lt. Gen. Richard Natonski and an investigative report detailing the "friendly fire" shooting of the sergeant.

The report found sufficient evidence existed to believe that Peralta was probably shot by a fellow Marine and that a gunshot wound to the head and injuries to the head from a grenade caused his death.

The nomination, which relies on witness statements, forensics, bomb fragment analysis and an autopsy, concluded that although Peralta was shot in the head, he made "a conscious, heroic decision to cover the grenade and minimize the effects he knew it would have on the rest of his Marine team."

The nomination details Peralta's actions in the final minutes of his life, with several witnesses recounting how the Marine lay face down and used his arm to pull the grenade to him. It also says a forensic analysis of Peralta's clothing and flak jacket show the grenade was underneath him when it exploded.

Peralta, who was assigned to Hawaii's 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, moved to San Diego from Tijuana as a teenager. He was 25.

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Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
8:17 pm - Hurricane Ike
So I survived hurricane Ike.....We got a direct hit....the first time since 85...

Lost a few shingles from the roof and the neighbors tree fell and hit our fence. The worst part of it all was the fact that we had no power since saturday.


Today the power came back on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta love those linemen and the crews that worked around the clock to restore our power....

so thats it for now.

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Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
7:42 pm - my new tattoo
Heres a pic of my new tattoo....it took 13 hours...lol

my tat

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9:05 am
I got my back done......

one huge dragon it took 8 hours to do...ill post pics later.

Going back to day to get some color touch up done.

The shop is here in Alvin, clean and one hell of an artist.

ok so thats all for now...

see ya

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Saturday, September 6th, 2008
9:14 am
Yestaerday fucking sucked.

Not only did I lose my cell phone, I also lost my mp3 player which had thousands of songs on it. Hope someone enjoys......

I hate the fact that I can't hold on to nice things, its like they just dissapear.

Anyway, not in the best mood.....now I have to go get a new phone and an mp3 player....this sux

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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
8:57 pm - Other blog sites are a joke.....
Ok, so I said I would do it but it didn't turn out the way I thought it would.

I did try other blog sites......GAY.

All the feedback I got was dribble from brainless retards......I do have alot to say.

I can no longer let what others think keep me silent.

So Ill be updating daily...or so I say...lol

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Monday, May 19th, 2008
2:56 pm - Goodbye
I used to love the fact that anything I said on LJ was our business....

Well its not anymore.

I can no longer post with any sense of anonimity or a feeling that the people I post to are non judge mental or not members of my family.

So I guess Im off to find another blog site.

I really did love having you all read my thoughts, but sometimes my thoughts come back to haunt me...and the thoughts I have now are not for public consumption. I loved getting your feed back and the support I used to get. Hell I even liked hearing your opinion B.

So Ill no longer be posting here.

Im sorry.

Good luck to you all. Ill miss you........

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Friday, March 28th, 2008
12:33 pm - grrrrr
So sick of shady people.

I hate when someone tells me one thing and does the opposite.

I have zero time for liars.


I lost another 5 pounds.... very happy, no fat kids here!!!!

I decided to plant a garden...its gonna have; hot peppers, cucumbers, tomatos, cabbage and squash..

Like anyone cares about my garden..... but hay I have to talk about something, right...

Lately my son has become very afraid of tornados....So we sat in front of the computer and researched them. We found a map showing the areas in the U.S. where that they hit most often...We are nowhere close....even his mom is out of the area, and he was very, very worried about that....lol

So in all...
girls suck
I gots me a green thumb
tornados are bad
Bryce loves you B.

Ill update later...


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Thursday, March 13th, 2008
1:35 pm
Oh btw...

Ive lost 17 pounds....go me.

And ive gotten 3 new tattoos in the last week.....i love them so.

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1:24 pm
Im a cell phone wierdo....i dont answer calls unless its someone I know..hell even then I avoid the phone....like you B

Sgt Garza called me yesterday and it blew me away.....so glad I answered the phone!!!!

He was part of a group of us that had breakfast together every morning....he was also the only person besides me in the world who covers hashbrowns with mustard and tabassco....Dont knock it till you try it

On july 3rd we me up at morning chow like always, 3 hours later his HUMVEE hit an anti tank mine while on patrol in Najaf...he was flown out and I never saw him again.

He found me.

Im so happy, only we(Marines and Docs) know how it feels to lose someone close....

but hes doing good, hes living in Baytown which is like 30 minutes away...

I cant wait to have breakfast with him again...

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Sunday, March 9th, 2008
8:16 pm - hello
So i did it. I broke up with a wondeful girl.....for basically no reason.

What am I afraid of.

I know one thing for sure I am sick of being alone sometims, then most of the time
Iwould rather be alone.

Someone once told me the when she was gone I would be alone for the rest of my life.....

Weird how the things we say to each other bear more truth than we as simple beasts could ever understand.

How right you were miss B.

Bryce is doing great he and one of his little friends went to go see Hannah Montana tonight......Im sure he will be all wound up when he geets here....

thats all for now


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Thursday, February 28th, 2008
3:57 pm - grrr
So i have been feeling very down...

I have a girlfriend and all these new friends...but its just not what I want.

I used to be that guy who could talk to anyone and socialize with strangers...Im not that guy anymore.

Im quiet. Reserved. Shy. And I dont give strangers the time of day.....So opposite from who i used to be..believe me.

I just feel that all of this is nothing compared to what I used to have.

I hate it.

So now Im going to break up with this wonderful girl....only because im not ready for the happiness I have right now.

Im self destructive.
Im still lost.
Im not happy, as much as I try to pretend....

Im just lost.....a lost loser if you will...lol

hating life so bad.

Its not fair

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Friday, April 13th, 2007
1:54 pm - hahahahahahahhaha
This is all true about the Marine friends I have, but some civilian friends fit in there as well....

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!"

MILITARY FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relationship problems and hope it works out for you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste.. That's alcohol abuse!!!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" and then 2 minutes later "okay just one more".

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

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Monday, March 26th, 2007
9:54 pm - better?
i feel better after that last post....

My grandmother is coming home tommorow.....

We feel its better to have her here than in a hospital for the end...

My grandfather told me this story once......
Him and his brother bought this car for 50 bucks, it took them all friday to get it running and they made sandwhichs' took my grandmother and her friend down to Lake Charles for the day. All day long my grandfather kept bugging my Grandmother to kiss him, promising her that no matter what she was going to marry him, so what was the big deal. In his quest for a simple kiss Charles Gardiner (my granfather) and his brother didnt realize they had parked thier 50 dollar car to close to the water and the tide came in...the car was up to the roof in brakish salt water...in that moment....my Grandmother grabbed my Grandfather and kissed him....

2 weeks later the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor....

They got married and 2 days later he was gone. For 4 years. 4 Years....no phone calls, no e-mails, no Sat phones, just letters.....

I have all the letters spread out in my room right now......
Along with his Silver Star, 2 Bronze Stars, and 8 purple Hearts 8!!!!...can you imagine all the horror in those awards and nothing but letters to your love....my Grandfather was a true romantic in his writings...a hard man to me in my life...but to my Grandmother a complete softy...It was her house, her rules no matter how tuff he was...I always loved that about them.

They were married for almost 40 years, can you believe that?

I can't.
It just doesn't happen anymore....

I miss my grandfather so much, and i miss beths grandfather too...he was a hell of a guy...named Guy...lol

So in a way...when she says she wants to die....I would to if I knew that the love of my life was waiting for me on the other side...I hope he doenst clown on me for being a Jarhead....

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